Thursday, 7:32 pm

It was happening again.

It wrenched him in his sleep.

The agony gripped him, holding him so intensely that every fiber of his being hurt.

It held him in its power.

It was the one thing that he could not control.

            He broke out in a cold sweat.  His clothes quickly soaked through.  The air was hot.  But the dampness made his body shiver

His brain burned.  It pounded inside his skull.

Then he was again forced to dream, to remember,  what he desperately wanted to forever forget.  He remembered that last night with her.

            He was celebrating their five-month anniversary of being together.

It still seemed like a fantasy come true to him.  He wasn’t even graduated from high school and he had found the woman of his dreams.  He had found his soul mate, the person that he would share the rest of his life.  He couldn't believe that she had said 'yes' when he first asked her out.  Well, it really hadn’t been the first time.  After much struggling within himself, he had asked her to go out before, three times before, actually.  Each time she had bluntly said, ’no.’  But something inside of him had told him to persist, to ask again and again.  Finally, the ‘no’s’ turned to a wondrous, ‘yes, I think that I‘d like that.’

That day his world changed.

That first date had been glorious, even if it was just a movie and a burger.  Even if he had to endure seeing the movie -- a ‘chick flick’ -- that she wanted to see.  But he was with her and that was all that mattered.

That night had been incredible.  If he had died that night in his sleep, he would have done so dreaming happy thoughts of her and he would have died happy.

Even though the first date had been, in his opinion, wonderful, he had never in his wildest dreams thought that they would go on a second date.  But they had.  Then there had been a third date, and a fourth date, and a fifth date and they were still together after five months.  He wasn’t dating anymore.  He was ‘in a relationship’.

Tonight was going to be the best night with her of all of them.  And they had all been very special to him.

            The food at the Chart House Restaurant was excellent.  Like he had seen it done in a romantic movie, he had called ahead and reserved a table that overlooked the Delaware River.  The full moon’s light sparkled off of the water and danced with the lights of the Camden waterfront on the other side of the Delaware River.

            He had even come down to the restaurant this afternoon and dropped off a dozen roses and asked the hostess to have them in a vase on the table when they arrived.

            The table had looked beautiful.  But she hadn’t reacted as positively as he had hoped, which he decided was due to the fact that she was overwhelmed by all of this.  What other teenage boy had treated her so special, he had smiled.

            For some reason though, as good as the food and atmosphere were their conversation was not good at all.  Tonight getting her to talk was like trying to scale a glass wall.

            Something was wrong, he grimaced in near physical pain.  Something was very, very wrong.

            Something was bothering her.  But he had no idea what that ‘something’ was.

Despite his continued questioning, he didn’t have a clue.  She just got more miserable until they just ate their meal in silence.  It reminded him of how his grandparents were.

But his grandparents had never been right for each other, he reminded himself.  According to his mother, his grandparents had been miserable all of their married lives.

            This wasn’t the way the night was supposed to go.  This wasn’t the way he had planned it.

            After dessert, he paid the bill -- which was more than what he earned in two weeks.  Then, in silence, they left the restaurant.

"Do you want to take a walk along Penn’s Landing toward the Maritime Museum?" he nervously offered as they started along the walkway from the restaurant.

If he could just get her to start talking, then he knew that he could get her to tell him what was wrong and together they could work it out.  She didn’t need to keep it locked up inside of her.  He was here for her.  Together there was nothing that they couldn‘t work out.  There was nothing that they couldn’t overcome.

But still she didn’t answer.  The deep, dark silence remained.  So he took a deep breath and tried again.

“Do you want to take a walk along…,” he started but never got the full sentence out.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped.  "If you think that I'm fat, then why don't you just say so?  Just because you’re built like a stick doesn’t mean that you can make fun of others."

            "What?  No, no, I don't think that you're fat.  I didn’t say that.  You've got a great body.  I love your body.  I love everything about you,” he said confused, taking a step back from the violence of her voice.

What was happening, his brain screamed.  Why was she so upset?  Who had done something to her to make her act like this?  And why wouldn’t she let him help?

            "Please talk to me," he pleaded, moving to put his arm around her shoulder.

            "What's there to talk about?" she snapped, shrugging his arm away as if he was diseased or something.  Then she increased her pace along the walkway and quickly put distance between them as he momentarily stood in place, stunned.

            "Us,” he called after her and then went forward to catch up with her.  “You and me.  I want to talk about us.  I thought tonight would be a good time to talk about our future."

            "Our future?”

            “Yes, we need to talk about our future,” he said with authoritative control in his voice.  Finally, were communicating, he silently sighed.

            "Our future?” she repeated

“You’re going to nursing school at Albright in Reading and I’ll be working in City Hall here in Philadelphia,” he continued, reciting the words exactly as he had rehearsed them countless times in front of the mirror over the dresser in his bedroom.  “I know that long distance relationships can be tough.  But that’s for other people who don’t have what we have.  They can work if you work at them.”

“What are you talking about?” she gave him a strange squint.

“Well, not like we have to work at anything,” he tried to qualify his words thinking that the use of the word ‘work’ had hurt her.  “But we can’t just assume that the future will take care of itself, can we?”

            “We don’t have a future.  We don’t have anything," she spat, causing him to again stop and stare as she continued forward.  For a second he considered staying where he was and allowing distance between himself and her attitude.

            “Yes we do,” he blurted, overcoming his hesitance and again rushing to catch up with her.  He was about to touch her shoulder but then reconsidered remembering her earlier reaction.  “Reading isn‘t so far away.  But we can still be together.  I’ll drive up and see you every weekend, maybe even more often.  I’m sure that my parents will let me borrow the car.  They like you.”

            "I don’t think so,” she grimaced.

“What?  Sure, sure they like you,” he misunderstood.

“You bore me,” she said, stopping and turning on him.  “I've had some laughs, but it's over now.  It’s time for me to move on.  I was going to tell you earlier this week, but then you told me about this dinner and I thought, ‘What the hell?  Why not get one last nice meal out of this thing before I dumped you?’”

            “What?  No, no, that’s not true,” he stammered, then tried to put everything in the humorous perspective he had to be missing.  “We’re perfect for each other.  You’re just teasing me.  Hah, ha, real funny.  You had me going there for a minute.  But seriously, what‘s bothering you?  Tell me.  I’m here for you.  Nothing can be that bad that we can‘t figure it out together.”

            “Oh, just stop.  Just stop,” she squealed as she continued past the Christopher Columbus monument and toward the shadows between the Museum building and the railing at the edge of the river.  “Just stop telling me about how much you care for me,  Stop telling me about how perfect we are for each other.  Just stop everything and leave me alone.  Listen, I’ll talk real slow so that you don’t miss it.  Read my lips, we’re not perfect.  We’ve never been perfect.  And we’ll never be perfect because there is no ‘we.’  What ever it was that you thought we had, well not only is it definitely over, it never was.  We’re done.  That's final.  Now leave me alone.  I want you out of my life."

            "But, we are perfect for each other," he cried the only words that would come through his total confusion.  "I don't understand.  What‘s wrong.  What’s making you talk like this?"

            "We’re wrong.  We’ve been wrong from the start,” she replied.  “I only dated you as a novel­ty.  But we're two different people from two different worlds.  We’re just too different.  Do you honestly think that you could ever be good enough for someone like me?  Do you honestly think that I would have given you the time of day if there wasn’t something in it for me?"

            He couldn't believe what he was hearing.  She sounded like she was reciting lines from a script.

            This wasn't her speaking, he decided.  It couldn't be.  It was her parents.  That was the answer.  He knew it.  Her parents had never liked him.  They were the ones who had made her turn against him.

            "You don't mean what you‘re saying," he said.  "You're just re­peating the lies that your parents have told you.  They’ve been against us from the start.  They just pretended to like me, didn’t they?  Now they’re forcing you to say these things.  We’ll you don’t need them.  All you need…all we need…is each other.  Forget your parents.  Forget anyone else.  Forget the rest of the world.  You and me, that’s all that counts.  That’s all that’s real."

            "Leave my parents out of this," she snapped, angry fire burning in her eyes as she stopped and glared at him, her teeth gritted like a snarling dog.  "My parents have nothing to do with this.  These are my words.  How dare you drag my parents into this.   I can‘t believe you.  We’re just different.  Okay?  Can’t you just accept that?  Now, thanks for dinner, let‘s say goodbye and go our separate ways.  We have our different lives to lead."

            “But we’re supposed to be together,” he said, half to himself.

            “No we’re not,” she said, shaking her head at his ignorance.  “You’re nothing like me.  You’ve got nothing in common with me.  We’re from two different worlds.  You’ve got nothing that I want.”

            "I can change," he sincerely offered.

            "Change?  Ha.  How can you change?” she laughed, throwing her head back in feigned glee.  “What are you going to do?  Rob a bank?  Do you have a winning lottery ticket that you have­n't told me about?  Because that's the only way that you'd be able to change what you are."

            "What I am?  What I am?  What do you mean by that?" he said.

            “Yes, what you are,” she cut with her words.

            “What is it that you think I am?” he innocently asked.

            "You’re poor.  And you can't change that.   You're poor and I'm not.  That’s the big difference between us.  So what if you take me out to dinner every couple of weeks?  You’re the fool who blows his entire paycheck on one night.  Jeez, wake up.  That doesn’t mean anything.  That doesn’t impress me.  All that does is prove that you’re not just poor, you’re stupid and poor.  That‘s what you are, stupid and poor.”

“I, um…” he tried to find the words to defend himself.

“Stop.  Just stop,” she cut him off.  “I’m tired of your excuses.  Now let’s get to the parking lot so that you can drive me home.  I told someone that I’d meet him later tonight.”

“I’m not making excuses,” he said weakly, not hearing her last sentence.  “I’m just…”

“You know you’re not just making excuses, you are an excuse,” she sneered.  “You’re a poor excuse for a boyfriend.  And, you know what, I think that it's about time that you knew that I only went out with you because my friends dared me.”

“Dared you?”

“Yes, they bet me that I wouldn't go out with you and, if I did, that I'd hate it so much that I wouldn't go out with you again.  Well I showed them didn't I?" she smirked with obvious pride.  “I think that I’ve put up with you pretty well.”

            "What?" he heard the words but he didn’t believe them.

            "That's right.  They bet me $10 bucks that I wouldn't go out with you, and another $10 bucks that I wouldn't go out with you a second time.  And I showed them, didn’t I?  But that isn’t even the best part of it.  The best part is that after I collected my $20, they thought that they’d take a chance and get their money back.  So they bet me $10 more for each week that I continued to go out with you.  Putting up with you has earned me a lot of money.  I've had the best of all possible worlds.  I got money for going out and tolerating you, and I got you to spend money on me.  You took me to dinner.  You bought me gifts.  And all I had to do was give you a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.  No swapping spits or anything gross like that.  Well, I mean gross like that with you.  Because, to top it all off, I've been seeing other guys.”

“Seeing other guys,” he stammered.

“Oh, please don't pretend to be so surprised,” she hissed.  “A girl like me has needs and the Lord knows that you couldn't satisfy them.  Even if I let you try, which I would never do…oh gross, just the thought of that…even if I let you try you couldn’t satisfy me.  You don’t have what I need."

            "You're lying.  None of this is true,” he pleaded.  “You’ve been faithful to me and I’ve been faithful to you.  We love each other."

            "Love?" she choked.  "What have you been smoking?  What fairy tale have you been read­ing?  Who fed you that load of crap!  I don't love you.  I never loved you.  And I have not been faithful to you.  Just because you've been silly enough to not date anyone else, I haven’t been that stupid.  Of course, it’s not as if you've even had another girl look your way.  Remember, we’ve already established that you’re poor and stupid, not exactly traits that get the girls swooning at your feet.  I can’t believe you never wondered why I was going out with you.  You really thought all of this was real, didn’t you?”

            “Yes, I did.  I mean I still do.  And you can too.  I know it,” he whimpered.

“Oh, please, c’mon, just get me home so that I’m not late for my real date.”

“You’ve got another date?” he asked, her betrayal beginning to sink in.

            “Yes, I’ve been seeing Henry Crestine,” she eagerly answered.

            “Henry Crestine?” he repeated.

            “Not only have I been seeing him since before you asked me out, but as a matter of fact Henry and I were just finishing up a little afternoon delight when you showed up to take me to dinner.  That’s why you had to wait so long for me to get ready.  Henry went out the back door as I let you in the front.  And I told him to come back by tonight so that we can finish up what we started.  If it’s any consolation, it was really difficult for me to tell Henry to leave so that I could go to dinner with you.  That should count for something, don’t you think?"

            “You and Henry?” he mumbled.

            "Sure, he can satisfy me in a way that you never could, even if I let you try, which I never will,”  she said.  “Ew, even the thought of you and me like that gives me the chills.”

            For the past several minutes her words had been slicing into him like a dull blade.  Now he felt all ripped up inside.  For the very first time, he was seeing her.  He was really seeing her.  His rose-colored glasses had fallen from his face.  They now lay shattered at his feet and he saw her for the demon that she was.

            Finally, he was seeing things clearly.  Finally, he was seeing the truth.  Everything that he had thought about her, everything that he had admired was nothing but an act.  It had all been a lie.  But despite this reality, he knew that he still loved her.  In his eyes she was still perfect.  And he couldn’t let anyone else near that perfectness.  She was everything that he had ever wanted.  No one else could appreciate her like he did.

            "Hey, don't take it so hard.  You haven’t had it so bad," she continued, unaware of the torment his was enduring or the change occurring within him.  "Look at it this way, for a few months you got to be seen with the most popular girl in Northeast High School.  That in itself should make everything worthwhile.  Heck, I should probably charge you for the pleasure or at least get some community service credits for spending time with you.  I gave you the opportunity to walk where you don’t deserve to walk."

            Suddenly, everything became clear.  Suddenly, he knew what he had to do.

            She was still talking, but he no longer heard her words.

            As if he was out of his body watching what was happening, he watched as the scene played out before him.

His hands shot up and out.  They went toward her.  They found her soft, white throat and closed around it.

“What, what are you doing?”  she choked, trying to pull away.

But he was too strong.

She was his.

He smiled.

Her talking stopped.

His grip tightened.

Her eyes went wide.  First with confusion.  Then with fear.  Then with utter terror.

He looked into her eyes and he enjoyed what he was seeing.

He enjoyed the feel of her beneath his fingers.

He pulled her closer.

He enjoyed the feel of her so close.  So close as he had dreamed so many nights of being.

He felt a stirring within himself.

It felt good.

His fingers closed tighter.  They were like an unrelenting vise, squeezing the skin and flesh.

She tried to scream.

            His grip tightened even more.

            Her eyes pleaded at him.

            But mercy was not his to give.  He was beyond that.  She had taken him there.  This was all her doing.

Slowly, he forced her back onto the cold walkway.

With a leg on each side of her, he lowered himself onto her.

She tried to fight.  She tried to get him off of her.  But it was futile.

On top of her like that hidden from others by the shadows of the Maritime Museum’s thick walls and the nighttime, he was in control.  She was finally his.

And he enjoyed it.  He enjoyed it more than he had ever imagined.

He was filled with warm pleasure.  He felt her close against him.  His thighs pressed affectionately against hers.  And as he continued to hold her in his hands, he felt her resistance beneath him fade.

She had given in to him.  Finally, she was his.  Finally, they were together as it was meant to be.  Finally, he knew that she understood.  He had just had to show her the way.

As he felt himself release against her, he heard a churning, watery noise and he let go of her.

Reluctantly, he got up and looked around to see what it was that had disturbed their time together.

It was a tugboat on the river and it was coming toward the landing.  Illuminated by the lights from the Benjamin Franklin Bridge behind it, he could see several figures on the boat’s deck.  They seemed to be occupied with readying the boat for docking and didn’t see him.

It must be one of the repair tug’s that went up and down the river checking the pilings, he thought, knowing that boat’s usually didn’t dock at this point on Penn’s Landing.  Perhaps the boat’s crew hadn’t seen him, he considered, thinking of her and feeling the sticky moistness at his waist.  Perhaps they could still have time together.

As the boat continued toward the shore, he turned back to her.  She lay there still and quiet.  Her eyes seemed peaceful and relaxed, he thought as he moved back over to her.  Gently, he bent down, slid one arm under her neck and the other behind her thighs.  He smiled at the feel of the lacey fringe of her panties.  As he lifted her up, her head swayed back and he realized how relaxed he had made her.  It was like she was in a trance of euphoria, still in the place where he had taken her.  A place he had always known no one else could take her.  With her in his arms, he started to move deeper in to the shadows.

After what seemed like disaster, this evening has turned out quite well, he smiled, still staring down at her angelic face.  His eyes then moved down to admire the curve of her shirt and how he would shortly be touching what lie beneath.  But then his enjoyment was pierced.

“Hey, kid, what are you doing there?” he heard a voice yell.

He turned thinking that it was one of the crew members from the tug boat and wondering how they docked so quickly.

What he saw was a man running toward him.  But the man wasn’t from the boat, which hadn’t yet reached the dock.  The crew hadn’t noticed that anyone was on the walkway because they were too busy maneuvering the boat around in the water so that its stern faced the Benjamin Franklin Bridge.

As he came closer, the man was yelling something.  But his voice was drowned out by the noise of the tugboat’s engines as its propellers churned the water violently as the boat backed closer to the shore.

Keeping a eye on the quickly approaching man, he knelt down and gently laid her on the ground.  Then he stood back up and turned his body squarely at the man, who was now only a few feet away.

He could clearly see now that the man was homeless.  He must have been going through the trashcans along Penn’s Landing when he saw them.

“This is my neighborhood,” the man’s yelling finally broke through the noise of the boat and reached his ears.  “It’s my neighborhood so you need to share her with me.  It’s been a long while since I had a piece as nice as that.”

“You can’t talk about her like that,” he snarled at the homeless man.  Then he closed the fingers of his right hand in to a fist.  He stepped toward the homeless man.  Like a bullwhip, in a flash his arm shot out and up and connected hard with the center of the homeless man’s face.

The homeless man grabbed at his face with both hands and stumbled backwards.  His knees buckled and he fell.  Because of the angle of his body from the impact of the blow, he fell backwards rather than forward.

Without time to get his hands behind him to try and break his fall, his head hit hard on the surface of the walkway.  There was a distinct sound of bone cracking.  But the impact hadn’t knocked the homeless man unconscious.  He watched as his adversary slowly, shakily got back to his feet.  With blood oozing from his hairline and out of his nose the homeless man again started toward him.

“You’re going to be real sorry that you did that,” the homeless man slurred.

Without the slightest change in the plain expression painting his face, he adjusted his position, set his left foot solidly on the ground and kicked out at the homeless man with his right leg.  As he had planned, the bottom of his shoe landed at the center of the homeless man’s torso.  It drove the homeless man backwards and snapping his head back violently.  A spray of blood flashed from the homeless man’s head like the spray of a fountain.  It was eerily illuminated by the combination of the distant lights across the river and the closer, brighter lights of the tugboat, which was nearly docked.

He watched almost uncaringly as the homeless man fell back and over the edge of the walkway, falling down and disappearing into the dark water’s of the river.

A second later there was a crunching and ripping sound as the homeless man’s body got pulled in to the powerful propellers of the tugboat.

“Yo, Tony, kill the engines,” one of the crew members yelled frantically.  “Something just went in to the propellers.”

“Oh, Jeez,” another one of the crew shouted.  “It’s a body.  It looks like a man’s body.  But I can’t really tell.  I can only see the legs.  Oh, crap, now they’re gone too.  Whoever it was the propellers just sliced and diced him.  God that’s disgusting.  I’m gonna be sick.”

            He needed to rest, he thought ignoring the crews’ frantic words.  He turned back toward her.  But looking at the body on the ground in front of him, he realized that it wasn’t her anymore.  She was gone.  He’d have to find her again.  But right now he needed rest.  He needed to get away and find a safe place where she couldn’t find him before he figured out where she was.